How one can Not Resent Your Accomplice

Ella Godfrey says:

Thanks for this video Hannah, after I watched it I watched it again with my partner and it led to a really healthy conversation between us. I think being aware of mental load before it leads to resentment is so important. Thanks x

Mia Emilia says:

In my relationship I have to admit it’s the other way round. I‘m very clumsy and grew up in a home where there wasn’t much cooking, while my bf’s mum cooked a lot and he is a bit older and so he lived by himself for a longer time. We don’t live together, but I spend every weekend at his apartment and have a lot of my clothes there. He usually cooks, or we do it together, because when I do it alone I often make mistakes and it takes at least twice as long. And when we do it together he sometimes gets frustrated, because I don’t just do something and always have to ask. I also try to do some chores, but often I forget and only do them when he asks me to. I really try to improve myself and I think it will get better once we live together. And since I realized that acts of sevice is a very important love language of my partner I am working on it even more.

Our love life is also not so usual. My drive is much higher than his. Maybe there is some kind of connection between those things, because I read that the reason women often aren’t in the mood is because they don’t feel appreciated enough because the man doesn’t help enough.

Lola Messer says:

As always brilliant video and thanks for the education Hannah!!!😍

Ed Space. says:

I do remember how teachers (often women) might make a remark like "ask you're mum when she's doing the laundry what she uses" for me to be like "but my dad does the laundry" and little things like being the odd one out since we planned out the shopping list anyway (when among my class mates it was apparently normal for mum to come up with the shopping list and Dad to go and get it) and generally a lot more communication about needs and wants being freely aired and us all getting involved in big projects and various jobs around the house (at the planning and acting stage), at one point someone explained why it was different in our family to a lot of my classmates as "its just English culture, Irish families do things differently" (for context in my hometown growing up I was considered an immigrant because my extended family lived in other towns and my Dad's side are of Irish descent so I was considered an Irish immigrant, granted when I got to uni I discovered the Irish community saw me as English so I guess I fell into that awkward middle ground) obviously this is wrong.
So that has left me wondering, feminism has a bit of an image problem (at least in certain circles) that it's an ideology of making the man do all the work in the relationship and still expecting him to finance the whole thing (then dump him and take his kids and use them to keep extracting his money from him), but obviously with people like your good-self it's clear to see that there are plenty of feminists who are good, kind and (as you mentioned with the undervaluing of jobs seen as "women's work" like nursing and teaching) can see how the Patriarchy hurts men to, so is there a good way of helping overcome this negative image?

Silvana says:

"Sending this video is labour!" – YES! Great video, thank you very much, Hannah

Ach Julchen says:

Why am I getting so angry?🤔😅
Thanks for talking about this issue(s) ❤️

Rady Perry says:

If anyone wants to learn a bit more about the mental load or weaponised incompetence in a funny and entertaining way I recommend checking out the podcast Ladies & Tangents (they’re on YouTube, Spotify, etc)

Phillip Jones says:

Enter Patriachy, MMM, also enter Mental Health Issues I think.

Megan Lampa says:

Yes! Got married 3mths ago. Working on this is so important and I've been appreciating novels such as Julia Quinn's Bridgiton and the Little Women series by Louisa May Alchot

lia morrison says:

I find with me and my husband we’re getting better at going ‘ Igbo make a start on this can you do this etc’ … the only time I get frustrated is when I’m having a disability related day in bed ( bc I can’t move/ think/ process) and nothing is done … and he knows full well that that would help me once I feel better.

Laura Rollinson says:

Thanks for making this video Hannah it’s validated a lot of my feelings about my relationship and made me realise I’m not going mad! It’s super difficult at times having these conversations as my partner is autistic and doesn’t always pick up on signals or understands why I’m feeling upset about unfair work loads etc. Will definitely show him this video!

Nellie N says:

Thanks!

Alejandra says:

Hannah, have you ever talked about attachment styles and how to make it work when you're with someone with a very different manifestation of attachment and/or relationship maintenance?

Duck McDuck says:

Lady, value your own time more. You teach him that you are better at it, by caring more about it. Care less. By caring too much and taking over, you untrain his independent thought. Let him do it, and let him fail, and let him figure out how he does it best. If you care how your T-shirt is folded, or you care how tidy it is when the neighbours visit, you will end up doing it. So care less. Let him care.

Lois Cassels says:

I love being single!